A beautiful day just for me… April 9, 2008

It’s my birthday. I was talking with Chip this afternoon and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m so very into birthdays because my dad died at such a young age. He was only 36 when God took him from this world. I can remember how old it seemed at the time (although I knew it really wasn’t), but as I turn 33, I see this as another year to live life to the fullest to and celebrate this special world/life/family that God has given me. I try to live a life with no regrets and full of freedom. In the grand scheme of things, life is very, very short (have you ever tried to wrap your head around how long forever really is?) so I don’t want to waste any of it!

So, I’m enjoying my day! It’s a normal work day for the most part. I don’t like when my birthday is on a Wednesday or a Sunday because it means that my husband *has* to work. And really, I don’t like sharing him on *my* special day, but everyone has to make sacrifices sometimes.

And you know what? My life is so full of special people that I couldn’t even sleep in this morning! The text messages started rolling in about 6:30 this morning to wish me a happy birthday. I’m not disappointed because it means that there are people who love me. How can I agrue with that?

I fought off the grogginess this afternoon with a nice long bath with a great book (Melody Carlson’s The Boots Weren’t Made For Walking - great book so far!). Now I’m sitting on the porch, watching the kids play in the yard. Seth is running up and down the ramp on the church next door. Lexie and I are playing sidewalk chalk (more her than me) while we wait for her mom to come pick her up. Noah & Kaitlyn have gone from throwing the ball back and forth to throwing ice cubes back and forth. It’s a glorious day outside and I’m looking forward to spending most of the evening out here. I might even be inspired to work on the next great American novel at some point.

Chip asked me what I wanted for my birthday this year. I had a really, really hard time coming up with something. Because honestly, my life is pretty good. We’ll have Chinese takeout for dinner tonight. There is an all new episode of The Office tomorrow night. My husband is simply the.best.husband.EVER. (I really, really wanted a snickers bar and a Dr. Pepper this afternoon. He simply said, “Ok.” and went to Casey’s and got them for me.) My kids are healthy and well behaved for the most part. I have friends. I have family. I have my Jesus. And after 33 years, I think I’ve finally found contentment. What more could a girl want?

An extra day… February 29, 2008

I’m not doing anything spectacular with our extra day this year. Right now I’m sitting and home and wishing that I could just have an extra hour every day instead of an extra day every four years.

And what would I do with an extra hour? I’d write. I can really crank out the words when I have the quiet needed, but distraction is my enemy. I’m easily distracted - television, the kids, my sexy husband, emails that pop-up on the Google bar, the smell of food, the sunshine outside, the potty breaks, the distractions are endless. But when I get into a zone, I can write for a solid hour and crank out the words.

So, that’s what I want. A “pause” button for an hour a day. When all else around me stops for 60 minutes. Where I can just sit down in front of the computer and pour it all out. I don’t miss anything because it all just *stops* for an hour. After my hour, life resumes right where it left off.

I think I need some more coffee. My brain seems to have gone all J.J. Abrams on me this morning. Maybe I shouldn’t watch LOST so close to bedtime.

Where would I be without Jesus? February 17, 2008

Our pastor asked that question this morning. Just happens that he’s the guy that I’m married to. I’ve often thought that I didn’t have much of a testimony because I can never remember a time that I didn’t know God. I’ve never been away from God. Sure, I had my times of rebellion (which most people would laugh at because I was so not the rebellious type).

But I remember being in college and having a real encounter with Jesus. One that wrecked me and made me see how wretched I would be without Him.

You see, I was raised in a fairly legalistic church. I remember being taught the rules and told to follow them and not ask any questions. If you broke the rules, you didn’t love God. And I loved God, so I tried my hardest to follow the rules. And I thought less of those who didn’t. There was no grace. There was no mercy. In a few words, I was self-righteous and stuck up. The me of yesteryear would not like the present me. And honestly, the present me, doesn’t like the me of yesteryear.

But in college, I was on my own. I didn’t have anyone to tell me the rules anymore. So, I started to question them. I figured that if I was going to believe something and have it stick, I better figure out what I believe and why. I can remember having long, theological debates with a friend name Justin who would interrupt my thoughts as I sat in the chapel in the skyway at North Central. I can remember him challenging my rational on why I believed what I believed.

But it was in those quiet moments in that chapel - sometimes with friends, sometimes without - that I had a real encounter with Jesus. One that led me to realize that I was a slave to legalism when what Jesus came and died for was to give me freedom in Christ.

Now that we’ve got some years under our belt in ministry, we’ve had all kind of encounters with people in the church. We have regular contact with pastors all over the country (it’s amazing how small the world wide web makes the world). And the horror stories we could share based on what we’ve heard or even experienced (though ours really do pale in comparison to most) would make your head spin. There are people in the church who are so filled with hate and judgement and anger and well… SIN, that they can’t even see the Cross. They cause pain. They inflict disease. They are the bane of the pastor’s existence. They are often referred to in the circles that we travel in as pastor killers. Some churches are full of them. Some have few or possibly just one.

This morning, in the quiet of the sermon, my husband asked, “Where would you be without Jesus?”

And I had a moment.

I had an encounter.

Because I knew in my heart, that while I had never been far from church or God even really, had I not had a real, life-changing encounter with Jesus, I would be one of those self-righteous, know-it-all, busybody, thorn-in-the-side, pastor killers. And that stark realization dropped my heart into my stomach and made me so thankful that God redeemed me. That Jesus died for MY freedom. That Jesus set me free from the law and let’s me walk in grace.

What a wonderful and powerful gift.

Moved to tears… February 12, 2008

I’m following closely the Uganda bloggers as they travel with Compassion International. This post by Anne Jackson (aka FlowerDust) moved me to tears. I’ll go today and spend $9 on a bag of coffee. A family in Uganda will go and spend the same amount this month to rent a small 6′x6′ shack. Kind of makes you stop and think, doesn’t it?

Stuff like this is why I want so badly to be out of debt. I want to help others. I want to be able to give more money away to those in need. Sponsoring a child in Uganda is just a small way that I could do something like that.

I would love to be able to go on a trip like this. To love on children. To tell them about Jesus. To bring a bit of sunshine into their lives. And I’m sure for them to shed a little on my own heart. But I have a feeling, I’d leave wondering how many of them I could bring home with me.

Bloggers go to Uganda… February 10, 2008

I’m more of a World Vision person, but Compassion International has caught my attention in recent days. How? With bloggers!

 CI is taking a group of well-known bloggers in Christian circles - people who have blogs that would be considered viral - and flying them to Uganda to bring awareness to the situation there. They are making the most of a movement and bringing several of the bloggers that I read with them.

We had Pastor Herman from Uganda with us last May. You hear a lot of different crises in Africa - the HIV pandemic in South Africa, the current crisis in Darfur, but you hear little about the crisis that has ravaged much of Uganda and left many children without their parents.

I’m praying that the bloggers will be forever changed, that hearts will be tugged and that children will find compassion from sponsors who want to make a difference.

It’s that time of year again… February 4, 2008

The Lenten season begins on Wednesday of this week. So weird that it starts so early this year! It’s kind of throwing me off! Usually, Easter falls right in the middle of birthday month for us. It will be nice to be able to focus on the Resurrection instead of trying to squeeze it in amist 4 birthdays this year (unless you count other family as well - then there are 12 between March 28th and May 2nd).

A lot of people - my husband included - really don’t understand the whole Lent thing with me. I’m not Catholic, but I find something intense in giving something up for the 40 days leading up to Easter. Knowing that God gave up His LIFE for me and choosing to focus on that with something of myself that I give up starts a pull in my heart like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. To give up something that hurts, even just a little, is NOTHING compared to what He gave up for me.

Chip started it all off with a great sermon on Substitutionary Atonement today. WOW! There were several people who teared up through the service today. What a powerful thing to think about as we lead into the Easter season - as we start that walk towards the Cross in these 40 days that lead up to Resurrection Sunday.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to give up. But it will be something that  will require some sacrifice on my behalf. I figure it’s the least I can do after all He gave up for me. I mean, He DIED for my sins. For ME! That just blows my mind…

To nap or not to nap… February 3, 2008

*That* is the question!

I’m on the fence about napping today. I am TIRED! I could go lay down right now and sleep for hours. I have a migraine, so everything is bleary. Curling up in my nice warm bed for a 2 hour nap is very appealing. Especially since we have plans after church tonight.

However, I have to be up early tomorrow. And I have a *full* day. Which means I need to sleep well tonight. Sometimes I sleep really well after a nap, sometimes I don’t. Will a nap this afternoon screw me up all day tomorrow? Is it worth it if it does? Is it more important right now to nap and get rid of the headache or to be alert all day tomorrow? Would I regret not napping if I knew I would indeed be able to sleep tonight?

So many questions for what should be such a simple problem. What would you do? I’ll let y’all know what I decide later!

Swimming into the deep… January 2, 2008

Our year ended with a great accomplishment. Kait learned to swim…

While the water in the deep part of the pool was only 4′8″ and only came up to my shoulders, it was still well over her 8-year-old height. And she was hesitant and scared when I told her that I wanted her to swim the entire length of the pool. I knew she could go back and forth with no problems across the shallow end of the pool, so I decided to stretch her a little bit.  I knew that she could do it. I had confidence in her. And I knew that I would never leave her side as long as she was in over her head.

And so, with me by her side, even though she was skeptical, she put her trust in me and off we went. Swimming into the deep.  Unsure whether she could really make it or not, but confident that nothing bad would happen because I would be by her side.

How many of y’all can see where this is going already? I’m guessing many of you could tell me the lesson that became so abundantly clear to me that night in the deep.

Because there are times that I take a swim across the shallow end of the pool, but God is telling me that He wants me to swim into the deep. I’m afraid of the unknown. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of getting in over my head. But I’m confident in my God. And I’m certain that He is never going to leave me. I’m certain that He won’t leave me to drown.

One of the most memorable speakers I’ve heard, the king of the one-liners, Mark Batterson of National Community Church in Washington, DC likes to say that we need to stop living life as if the goal were to arrive safely at death.  I love that! And I try to keep it in mind because I know that I tend to play it on the safe side. But God doesn’t ask us to stay on the safe side. If anything, if you’re living for God, you should be taking MORE risks. Because there is no safe place in the world to be than to be doing what God has told you to do. And for me, today, that’s swimming into the deep…

And a Happy New Year… December 28, 2007

I know that I should be posting more often, but between the normal holiday chaos and having a cold, I just haven’t had much to say. I know. You’re shocked. But it’s true!

I’m hoping to get to a “Year in Review” post sometime in the next day or two. Stay tuned…

Why I blog… December 12, 2007

Chip got a call for an interview the other day about his blog. He was a bit puzzled because he doesn’t blog very regularly (although he is now) and somehow they managed to find his blog and not mine. Doesn’t really matter to me, but he gave them my blog address and told them I was the one to talk to.

I’ve been blogging for almost 5 years now. I started shortly after Noah was born (unfortunately, I lost quite a bit when I changed blog servers from Blogger to Xanga many moons ago). I was blogging before before blogging was cool…

The big question for the article was “Why do you blog?” I blog because I like to write. I blog because it’s cathartic for me and much cheaper than therapy. With 4 kids, I need somewhere I can just let it all go. As a pastor’s wife, I need somewhere that I can just let it all out from time to time. As a wife, I just like a place where I can brag on my husband. And to show off my kids. To stay in touch with relatives far off. To be real.

That’s the thing about my blog that is different from most - it’s me. My whole theory on life is that life is too short to pretend that I’m something that I’m not. I’m who I am - and if you don’t like it, that’s ok. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me. I don’t agree with everyone else. And from time to time I make people mad with things I say on my blog. Because I’m not into legalism when it comes to my relationship with Jesus. And if there is anything that will make people mad, it’s questioning what they believe - especially if they don’t have an answer!

I guess I just try to live an authentic life. I want people to see Jesus in me. Not because I’m trying to sell them anything, but because my love for Him pores from my very being. I want them to see that marriage really can be GREAT and FUN. I want them to see that raising kids is work, but it’s the most rewarding job in the world. I want them to see that you can adapt to small town life even if your heart is screaming, “But I’m a big city girl!” I want them to see me for who I am. Because that’s all I am. With all my faults and screwups. With all my accomplishments and hard work.

I am who I am. And this is why I blog…