My Mundane Musings

Growing up I longed for the fast paced life of big city life and corporate America. Now I’m a stay at home mom of 4 in a small rural community! And I wouldn’t have it any other way! (At least for now).

Friday March 31, 2006 March 31, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Rebekah Sanders @ 10:38 am

My days lately have been consumed with taking every thought captive and not letting my mind jump to the worst conclusions about Chip’s health.  It is absolutely EXHAUSTING!!!  I’m taking care of the kids, the house, my husband, etc…

Chip’s doing ok.  He can feel pressure (whatever this thing is) in his chest. *takes a minute to take thoughts captive again!* He’s tired all the time. He wants so badly to just be well again and right now there is nothing I can do to help him.  It’s killing me!!!

But as bad as the days are, the nights are even worse.  Last night, I woke up sobbing.  I didn’t even know I was crying until I woke up with a start.  I have no idea what I was dreaming about, but anyone who knows me knows how much I do NOT like to cry.  When I’m on the verge of tears and anyone other than my husband is around, I’m going to keep people at arms length.  But when I wake up crying in the middle of the night, something is just terribly wrong in my life.  And the worst part is there’s NOTHING I can do about the middle of the night crap.  I can’t take my thoughts captive when I’m sleeping.  Which leads to me not wanting to sleep, but being so tired that I can’t stay awake, which leads to a vicious cycle. *sigh*

So, here is what I’m praying.  I’m praying that God would be with me as I sleep.  That He would set a host of angels around me and Chip so that we can rest in Him.  I’m praying fervently that God will miraculously remove this mass before we go for the biopsy so when they go to do the test they find NOTHING there.  My God is ABLE!!!  I’m praying that if God doesn’t see it as the best plan to remove this mass, that He will give us a peace so deep that we can feel HIS loving arms around us as we fight this fight.

Tomorrow I’ll try and post something a little more cheerful.  Chip’s started updating his blog again, but it won’t be nearly as detailed as mine.  But I thought y’all might like to see what he’s thinking through all of this too.

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3 Responses to “Friday March 31, 2006”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    {{{Rebekah}}}

    Praying here…good job on taking your thoughts captive.

    Shen

  2. Anonymous Says:

    I will be praying especially for you my dear friend. I’m a night owl…so I’ll cover your nights with deep interecession. We love you guys…and will pray until God removes that mass 🙂 (I have faith that He can do it!!)

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Claim these verses tonight, Rebekah,

    I lay down and slept, I woke because the Lord sustained me.I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people,who have set themselves against me all around.” Psalm 3:5-6

    You are my hiding place, You shall preserve me from trouble, You shall surround me with songs of deliverence. Psalm 32:7

    Psalm 27- the whole thing!  I read it over and over when my dd had some trouble with blood in her urine and we were waiting results of the scan.

    I’m praying for you tonight.


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