Not that any regular reader of my blog needs me to say that. It’s like stating the obvious.
But yesterday, I had a particularly hard time at the funeral. I was fine until we got to the gravesite and they were playing Taps. I completely lost it. And while I loved Joe dearly – he was one of those guys who would give you the shirt off his back if he thought it would help you – I was a bit surprised at my strong reaction, especially since I’m not much of a crier.
Until last night when Chip and I were talking about everything that has transpired over the past few days. He looked at me and said, “It was really hard for you to watch her bury her husband, wasn’t it?”
And it dawned on me. That is my greatest fear. That something with happen to this man that I love so much that it feels as natural as breathing. That if God would see it necessary to take home this man that I need more than air – how would I go on? What would I do? The simple thought of *not* being with him, of *not* seeing him, of *not* being able to share my life with him is almost too much to take. Like I told the widow yesterday, “It’s like having a really great addiction. And then being forced to go cold turkey.” I just don’t know how I’d do it.
I’ve had some people who look at me like I have three heads when I talk about my husband that way. They just don’t get it. But the truth is he’s my best friend and there is no one else on this earth that I’d rather spend every waking moment with. He’s the first one that I think of when I want to celebrate and the one that I need when I’m sad. I don’t sleep if he’s away for the night and I feel secure when he’s near.
For a while I really struggled with whether or not I loved him more than God even. But I’ve come to realize over the years that the more I fall in love with Jesus, the more I love my husband. The more wrapped up in the things of God I become, the more my love for my husband grows. I can love, because God first loved me. Now I realized that God isn’t on the top of some list, but that because of God, I’m able to love the things on my list as much as I do. It’s a win-win-win situation!
So, today, I’m loving my husband. I’m enjoying him because you never know what tomorrow might bring. But I’m looking forward to enjoying many, many, many more tomorrows with him!