I’m going to try and keep these shorts. But really, the first 4 episodes of this season are an hour long, so I’ll onl promise that it won’t take an hour to read the recap!
The episode starts off with Michael at home telling us how he didn’t get the job at corporate after his girlfriend self-destructed during the interview. No kidding, eh? But he got something better – domestic bliss. That’s right – Jan moved in and took over his life. Maybe she’ll be better at ruling his life than her own? Somehow, seeing her sprawled across the bed completely with chic-ified floral bedspread, well, I’m doubting anything about this is traditional domestic.
Michael goes on to talk about how it’s been a great summer and it’s going to be a great year and BAM! He hits Merideth with his car! We see her roll up onto the hood before disappearing onto the pavement.
More after the jump…
We skip into the office where the IT guy is at Pam’s desk because she has apparently downloaded a virus of some sort – or maybe just blew up her own computer because things don’t exactly seem state of the art – when she downloaded a celebrity sex tape. Her and Jim exchange some witty banter about how much she paid and already I’m wondering if they really hooked up over the summer.
And apparently so is Kevin. Only Kevin thinks they are faking it. That they’ve hooked up and are just working to fool everyone else. Which seems entirely likely because neither of them is very good at lying about their weekend plans.
Michael finally comes in and tells people that Merideth was hit by a car and the “drs tried to save her life and she’ll be fine.” Stanley asks the question that the rest of the world has been asking for the previous three seasons – “WHAT is WRONG with you?” Michael has to admit to being on the scene quickly because he was the one who hit her with the car.
Pam is organizing a trip to the hospital to see Merideth and when Angela says she can’t go, Pam is a bit put out. But apparrently Sprinkles is sick and there is bad blood between Sprinkles and the other cats. Cliques even. But organizing is Angela’s job and Pam plays the guilt card and Angela will have to make this trip to see the “alchi” at the hospital.
Michael is on the phone with Ryan and needs something to win back the affections of the gang. Why Ryan’s surprised by anything that happens to Michael is beyond me. He talks about being a “wonderkins” but really, methinks he is just a “wonderdork.”
Back to Angela and she is guilting Dwight into going and taking care of Sprinkles for her a lunch. And Dwight is eager to help. Until Angela tells him what will be involved. By the time she is telling him about the anti-fungal cream he’ll have to apply “right at the base of the tail” – he’s looking like he’s going to vomit. And that’s exactly how I feel.
Michael walks in as Pam is laying out her plans for not overwhelming Merideth in the hospital and well, Mike doesn’t like that idea much because everything he does is overwhelming. He announces that they will ALL go at lunch and then offers to drive. When people object, he’s quick to remind them “everyone INSIDE the car was FINE!”
Everyone except Dwight crowds into the hospital room and no one is surprised when Creed takes way too much interest in Merideth’s pain meds. Michael pulls out the IV and then is apparently going to force forgiveness out of Merideth by climbing on top of her – and her broken pelvis! My question is why someone didn’t pull him off and knock him out.
We get back to the office and Dwight breaks the news to Angela that her cat is dead. “She’s in a better place. Actually the place she is is in the freezer. Because of the smell.”
Michael walks in sees Pam comforting a grieving Angela and declares that the office is cursed. He calls a special meeting where he inappropriately forces people to discuss their religion and then decides to create his own God, whom I’m pretty sure he plans on sacrificing Toby to. And again, no one is surprised to find out that Creed has been both a follower and a leader in cults. Not one, but many.
But during the meeting, Dwight is sent off to pay his respects (“I do not respect her, but I will go.”) where we find out that in addition to the whole thing with the bat, Merideth has also had some run-ins with a bat and a raccoon. What kind of weird petting zoo has she been to? So, Dr. McNotSoDreamy NotSoFunny decides they better treat her for rabies. Which leads Michael to declare that the CURSE IS BROKEN! Because before he endangered Merideth’s life with a car, Dwight endangered her life by trapping a bat on her head.
We cut to Kevin who is still stuck on the whole Jim & Pam thing and saying what a waste it is. “They go together like PB&J” and we can see it on his face as he realizes PB & J works for Pam Beesly and Jim (which I like so much better than the whole Jam thing). We find him hiding in the back of his car (I hope it’s his car) as he watches Pam leave the office with the camera crew following. We skip to Pam doing a voice over about how she’s not dating anyone and she’s not telling even if she were – as she KISSES Jim in her car. And PB&J lovers around the country rejoice as they yell “I knew it” along with Kevin (who really won’t know until next week).
Which leads to much more hijinks and my want for one of the “Support the Rabid” bracelets! Michael schedules a Fun Run that apparently he and Jan are going to pretty much fund themselves – with Mike’s money. They decide that they will spring for the giant check for $200 and for the “rabies nurse” that you can hire by the hour for “bachelor events” when a real dr can’t be bothered – leaving a whopping $340 for bat birth control? They never do tell us where the money actually goes – since there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
Kevin doesn’t want to run and apparently being a fat is no longer a status symbol according to Michael and he can make Kevin run. Why Kevin doesn’t “figure out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause” like Kevin, Oscar and Creed is beyond me, because we see him running in his dress clothes – including his tie!
Unfortunately, Michael doesn’t have on nearly enough clothes when he tells Pam to enter his office and she sees his “dangling participle” (her words, not mine) as he’s changing in his office and apparently has no filter. She suggests picturing people with MORE clothes on, not less if you’re nervous. And I tend to agree. Because after seeing Jim’s cameo and hairy chest, I definitely want him to put his shirt back on!
We find out that not only is Creed a cult-ish, drug seeker, but he’s also almost 82! Guess you have to keep working if you want to support your drug habit. I think Creeds just special. As in riding the short bus special.
So, Elizabeth the hooker accepts the check as Michael educates us about rabies – “Which most people assume is a silent killer. Really it’s a foaming barking killer.”
After carbo-loading on enough fettucine alfredo that it makes *my* stomach hurt, the race begins. And Michael is “like Forrest Gump. Only not an idiot.” And once again, I have to disagree.
Toby takes a drink and throws the cup back at Jan and Michael refuses water all together because running on a hot day is no reason to stay hydrated – especially when rabies causes a fear of water. Oscar, Creed and Stanley are getting plenty to drink as they order another round, though. They’ll reach the finish line by taxi.
Pam & Jim hold hands and buy an ugly lamp. Dwight finally admits to killing Angela’s cat. Which sends Angela into a frenzy – “Cat heaven is a beautiful place. But you don’t get there if you’re euthanized!” I half expected her to kick him in the shins before running away.
Michael gets a stitch and collapses as Toby crosses the finish line. Which is apparently 5km away from the office. It would have made too much sense to run in a circle. Pam & Jim finally emerge from the estate sale with an ugly lamp they paid way too much for even at only $8 and come across Michael and convince him to finish. Andy is there at the finish line – complete with bleeding nipples – to cheer them on as Michael literally runs his guts out to get to the end. And then leaves his guts all over their shoes.
I’ve only seen the very, very end of this episode one time. Our DVR cut it off. But I do seem to remember that Michael is hospitalized (at the same hospital as Merideth) for dehydration. She finally forgives him as they share a sucker. And I realize that I’m a complete sucker for this show…