Pam and Jim are in the breakroom, Pam kisses Jim on the cheek and apparently they aren’t playing for the cameras anymore. Unforutnately, Toby catches them and being the whiny, jealous type he is, he writes a memo about not wanting to see Jim & Pam making out. Mike confronts Toby and no one wants to even hear about Mike and Jan in his office, so Toby stops him cold and outs PB & J. Which leads Michael into a frenzy where he waxes not so poetically about the long-anticipated hooking up of two of the office favs. After an awkward moment and general uncomforableness we hear comments from the rest of the Office-ites.
Michael admits to planning his awful “That’s what she said” jokes and Kelly strolls in wearing a noticed sure to make Ryan notice on his first trip back from corporate. Dwight tries to give Angela a new cat – names Garbage – which is exactly where their relationship is after Dwight mercy-killed Angela’s cat. I smell the beginning of the end for this not-so-happy couple.
We hear Toby have to whine some more about Jim & Pam’s relationship as they approach HR about their relationship. How he sits there and smiles when you know he wants to puke on their shoes is beyond me. Not that it’s really a smile where Toby is concerned.
Ryan is BACK – and texting instead of talking to real people (I wonder if he Twitters?). He knows he used to be a temp there and I’m still not sure how he went from being a temp to a real hire to working at corporate all in one season. Fire guy has come a long way, hasn’t he? And apparently, he’s turned into a big dork who’s too “cool” for the Scranton branch and can’t take a joke anymore. Not that it’s any different than before though – his sense of humor has always been lacking.
And he’s there to lead them into the future – with technology. He’s got a new “cutting edge” website planned (which I’ll get to tomorrow in launch party – I have so many thoughts). All the new essential personnel will be getting blackberries – which I find highly ironic that a paper company is trying to go paperless. I’m sure they’ll all be happy to turn their cellphone bills over to accounting though. They are getting younger, hipper (although I think of Ryan as more of a hipster dufus) and riding into the future with antiquated technologies.
Creed is suddenly very interested and we see him scurry into Michael’s office as soon as Ryan ends the meeting after questions from Kelly about their relationship. I love that he’s always messing up everyone’s names.
Jim finally spills the beans to Pam about Dwangela – funny since I’m sure they’re on the road to Splitsville – and we find out that they realize what we’ve known all along. They should have started dating a long time ago. After an awkward interruption from Phyllis (“you can’t assign new clients based on who you’re sleeping with that week”), we cut to Ryan who is txting AGAIN as he tries to explain to Michael that it’s *not* going to be business as usual. But we find out that Ryan is just a pants-stealing fake brother (and oh my I hope they do an episode soon with Mike’s mom because WHO is this lady who wouldn’t buy her kid new pants).
Ryan leaves Michael to go find Kelly – because they obviously need to talk. And when Kelly sees that things are *not* going the way she wants, she does what she does best. She makes something outrageous up to trap Ryan – She says she’s pregnant (while we see her shaking her head no) and seems fairly pleased they have a date.
And they aren’t the only ones. Angela wants to go out for dinner with Dwight and she wants it in a public place. While the rest of us know what’s coming, the socially inept Dwight seems completely clueless. But I guess love will do that to you.
Jan comes in – dressed like a frumpy haus-frau straight from the gym and it’s awkward as she and Ryan talk. She explains age-ism to Michael and we see the lights go on in his brain as he thinks up one of his most genius plans to go over Ryan’s head.
We skip forward to the conference room where we see the famous pictures taped to the wall and start to see the plans Michael has for us. When asked why he’s reusing some photos, he says the printer was out of ink and suddenly we know HOW Creed dyed his hair black! Michael goes on to explain age-ism and tell people that new ideas are illegal. And then – this is where it gets good – some old guy walks in to tell his story. It’s Robert Mifflin, founder of the company. And in a moment that trumps anything Ryan can do, Michael tells Ryan that if he wants to end the meeting that’s fine because Mike will just call Wallace and Ryan can explain “why you through the founder of the company out on his ancient butt!” We have to hear Mifflin drone on and squirm as Michael just can’t stand it anymore and throws him out. And announces once again that new ideas are illegal.
Angela and Dwight break up over dinner (I’ll leave your toothbrush on top of your tire in the morning) and Ryan is back in the office too early the next morning. We find out that Ryan & Kelly will never get back together because after what I guess is a night at her house, she finally told the truth that she’s not pg. (I think it would be HILARIOUS if it came out now that she *is* pregnant after that night together and Ryan is really trapped now). Ryan tries to get David Wallace to outsource customer service to India – which is hilariously confusing since Kelly is Indian!
Mike’s new idea is to win back lost clients with the “original instant message – letters attached to baskets of food”. Jim and Pam joke about the magic being gone and Mike announces that he’s going to win back past clients with a little bit of fat and salt and old fashioned business methods. No one wants to go but Dwight, so they head out to prove themselves. Michael to Ryan and Dwight to Angela. Although I think Ryan and Angela are really just happy that they’ll be out of the office for the day.
We find out that Michael’s car is in the shop, so he’s got a fancy rental complete with GPS. Dwight cries over ex-girlfriends and we have to go back into the office to hear Ryan brag about running into Vince Vaughn on the streets of NY. What would have made for a more interesting story would have been if VV had knocked Ryan out. But Andy & Kev are impressed with Ryan smelling like Pierce Brosnan and being able to get any girl he wants.
Dwight and Michael find out that the wave of the future really is via the web (which I’d personally rather use anyway) as they go from one client to another guided by their GPS.
Ryan asks Pam to do some mock-ups for the new logo and *we* all know he’s flirting with her, but she’s completely oblivious. Which is about right since Jim flirted with her for all those years without her having a clue.
Michael and Dwight are clueless (in so many ways) and Mike is blindly following the GPS and takes a right – RIGHT INTO THE LAKE!!! Doesn’t stop when he pulls to the waters edge, but continues down the boat ramp and drives into the water! BRILLIANT!! They trudge their soggy selves back to the last office to reclaim the last gift basket because obviously the pompous guy from the law firm doesn’t deserve it. And I think after driving your car into a lake, everyone needs just a bit of salt and fat.
And it’s HILARIOUS when Ryan asks Pamfor dinner and she tells Ryan that she’s dating Jim. Seems he’s always a day late when Jim is involved (Katy the purse girl, Karen, Pam…) And I can’t stop laughing as Jim says, “I guess he can’t get *any* girl he wants…” and Ryan walks away embarrassed for the cameras.
meanwhile, Mike & Dwight are back at the law office and reclaiming the basket. They finally get it back after rolling their soggy selves on the nice leather couches – and they’ll certainly be billing the law office for the turtles that are already missing from the basket.
As they get back into the office and share the tale of driving into the lake (“a machine told me to drive into a lake”) and announcing they will never be using new technology ever again.
“Game, set, match. Scott.” End of game.