I’m going to start this episode without Chip. I don’t *think* he’ll be too upset. He can’t really stand it and always wants me to fast forward to the end anyway. And because of the wonder of the DVR, if he really, really wants to see the opening group number, we can just start it over. He should be home momentarily anyway.
Ryan doesn’t surprise me when he tells me more people voted than ever before. Is it just me or does he say that EVERY week? Maroon 5 and Bo Bice on tonight’s show. Ryan chats with the judges about last night and wastes time because this show is an HOUR long! Even though the entire performance show is an hour. But for fear of becoming as boring as Ryan by repeating myself week after week, I’ll just let you go back and reread what I’ve said about that same topic just about every week of this show.
The group number is Reeling In The Years and I find it ironic that Syesha, who is always Little Miss Broadway, just isn’t really into it. Listening to them sing is like that game on Sesame Street – “One of these people is doing his own thing, one of these people is not the same…” David Cook’s voice and performance abilities are just so vastly different than the rest of them that they can’t even begin to compare. Mercifully, the group number is over.
Ryan pimps the AI tour (which I have NO desire to go to) and then recaps last nights show. Most of which I’ve already forgotten so I’m thankful for the reminder. Only now I’m remembering why they were so forgettable. Or memorable for the wrong reasons. Jason was awful. Archie was amazing. Syesha wept. And Cook was Cook.
Ryan calls David Archuletta out first and no one is surprised that he’s safe. Because it would be the MOST unpredictable thing in the world if they were to call the person going home out first and “just do this thing already!” But that’s not how Ryan rolls and David is going to take a seat on the nice comfortable couch (which really doesn’t look that comfy to me).
Back from commercial, and we see the final four go on tour as much bigger rockstars than they’ll ever be. Comparing ANY of them to the Beatles is a bit of a stretch. In a HUGE sort of way that one might compare dogs and airplanes. It just doesn’t work. But it would be cool to go see Cirque Du Soleil. It’s only list of things to do in this lifetime.
Ryan calls David Cook out and, well, I KNEW IT! The David’s were the top 2. Although I was kind of hoping that David Cook would go home tonight because the irony of such a great rocker dude going home on Rock&Roll week would have been too much. But he’s safe and no one is surprised.
Ryan calls both Syesha and Jason Castro out and says the “Person who leaves us tonight on American Idol…” and Jason freaks out a little bit even though those of us at home viewing know we’re not going to find out now because this is American Idol and nothing if not predictable and we all know there is still too much time left and two star performances and most likely those awful viewer questions that we still have to sit through before we can actually find out who’s going home. Oh! And don’t forget the Ford commercial.
Speaking of the Ford commercial – y’all just KNOW that Johnny Cash has GOT to be rolling over in his grave right now! ARE THEY FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?
And we’re back for the phone calls. Emily wants to know if David Cook will go on a date with her for her birthday since he’ll be in town for the Idol tour anyway? And he’s got his very first STALKER! And he looks completely terrified! Sarah wants to know what the biggest challenge the Idol-ee’s have had to overcome? Syesha says stagefright, David doesn’t know (answering these questions should be it) and Jason is so high that even HE knows he’s brain-dead. Lynn wants to know why Simon hasn’t been knighted by the Queen? And he agrees! He’s just waiting for that call from Buckingham Palace and his invitation. Mara wants to know how Syesha feels about being the only girl in the top 4. She says it’s a bit uncomfortable, but she’s proud of herself. Humility is not her strong point. Teresa wants to know if any of the Idol-ee’s have gotten feedback from the original artists and Cook is the only one popular enough to get that kind of respect. Marla wants Simon to be the next James Bond. Then she called him sexy and intriguing and I think maybe it’s time to end these calls.
Now it’s time for Maroon 5 and “If I Never See Your Face Again.” I’m not a fan. At all. And if I never saw this band again it would be too soon. This is *not* music! No, no, no! Thank you Dish Network for giving me the power of the fast forward. They’re going on tour and going to Europe and San Antonio. Because those two places are so close to each other. Adam Levine tells them that they’ll become jaded and hate it and love it all at the same time because it’s a lot of work to be that cool. Thankfully, it’s all ok because now there is a really cool commercial on for the new Indiana Jones movie that comes out in two weeks! I can’t wait!!!
We’re back from the commerical and they bring out Bo Bice. He’s singing Witness. This guy was just born int he wrong decade. Well, he was *born* in the right decade. He just wasn’t old enough to perform then. The background singers just don’t seem to mesh with the whole performance though. Better than Maroon 5 by a long shot, but I’d rather heard David Cook sing personally. It’s all a bit showy and sell-out and then he breaks out the Framptonator. Because he’s cool like that. And I’m reaching for the remote. Again. And I really don’t care what he has to say about the contestants. His album just came out and more than ever I know I won’t be buying it.
Please, AI officials, I’m begging. Go back to the thirty MINUTE results show. Because these seems to be thirty HOURS long tonight.
We’re finally back from commercial and rehashing the awfulness that was Jason last night (love that someone told him that he shot the tamborine man) and the shreik-e-ness of Syesha as she struggled through. Jason knows he was awful. Syesha knows she was emotional. (I just realized I didn’t hear anyone say it was PMS – could it have been?)
And the results are in and Jason is going home. And no one is surprised. And I think Jason may even be a bit relieved. It will take a certain something out of the show though because you just never knew what he was going to say and if it would be coherent. Jason sings us out and for the first time in weeks he really looks like he’s having fun because he’s not worried about what anyone is going to say anymore.
Apparently, he’s not a blog reader.